At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
