Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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