Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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