You're my little dorito
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
