i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
