I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
