We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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