I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
