I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
