i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
