Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
