Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
