I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
