I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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