By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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