It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
