you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
