no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
