you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
