I saw his package. It spoke to me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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