He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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