i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
birth control should be required to get into college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize