Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
