sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
