i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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