My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize