I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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