I like to think it a success when the cops are called
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize