gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
