remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
