i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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