remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
