Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So vagazzling was a success
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
