You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and she was petting her beer can
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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