dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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