got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's paint friendship bongs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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