I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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