How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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