Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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