Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
