I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
