He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize