what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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