Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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