If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
