He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
