I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
