yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
