I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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