Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
