I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My breasts were aching with rage.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
