new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize