I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
