Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
