You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
