We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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