Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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