she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
