Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
