the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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