No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
