Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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