Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
