i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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