I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
