Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Come see our sink grown plant.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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