Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
