Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
