as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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