I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
