He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
