I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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