so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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