I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize