oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
