Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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