i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
