I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
