note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
