my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
