I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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